guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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