remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
