Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
