Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
