You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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