he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
