thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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