All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
