you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
