I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh god it's open bar.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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