Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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