Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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