You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
