I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
you made out with another girl for some wings
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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