so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
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Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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