he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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