I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
