He is such a slut. More and more my type.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
