So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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