90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
