I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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