He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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