Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
