So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
