the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize
