WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
