My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
