I seem to have left my pride at pride
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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