yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
