A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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