My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
