I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
