I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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