She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
