Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
