So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
