I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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