God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
