God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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