I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
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Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
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I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize