Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
