We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
