We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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