Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Liz is crying about burritos again.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
