did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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