Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
