Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
