Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
