My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
