he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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