"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
