When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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