Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
