I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
