I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
