i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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