my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Randomize
