How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
