there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
