By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up under a house in Key West
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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