Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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